Relationship Reflection

Our lives are filled with relationships of all sorts and have as many different meanings to us.  Each is unique and has its own value to you and cost.  In order to make relationships successful, one must be willing to put effort and time into forming the foundation, building upon it, and sustaining the relationship once built.  Depending upon its value, what you wish to accomplish within or through it, and what you are willing to give to it; these factors will determine if it will endure the tests life puts us through.   The most critical element to me is trust.  Relationships and partnerships also provide support and give a sense of purpose or direction to our lives. 

            This assignment is to take a look at some of our most important positive relationships.  We are to share their importance or meaning to us; describe the positive nature of each and  factors that have contributed to developing and maintaining each relationship; share insight we have gained from our life experiences regarding the challenges involved in maintaining or developing relationships; look at special characteristics that have made some relationships into partnerships; and reflect upon how my experiences and insight gained from these relationships/partnerships may impact my ability to be an active reflective contributor and/or my work as an effective early childhood professional.

            The most important relationships in my life are those with my husband and my children.  Each is equally important but very different from the others.  I have been married to my husband for thirty years on the 26^th of March.  Together we have learned how to trust each other; that we can depend upon one another for help, love, or encouragement; that no matter what you are there for each other and we have raised three sons together.  A relationship is give and take, has its highs and lows; but you see them through and what you put into it will grow and give back even more in return.  Being in the military, you learn to depend upon each other even more since the majority of your family is most likely some distance away.  You also learn to be very dependent upon yourself since their job often takes them away for extended periods of time.  That can be a true test of your relationship and your own inner strength.  I have spent all of these years with my husband not because I need him, but because he is wanted and valued.

            I have three sons, ages 27, 25 and 21.  They are each very unique and my relationship is a little different with each.  I don’t think I have ever felt the same depth of joy or anguish with or about another person as I have with my children.  When they are safe and happy, all is right with your world; but when they are sick, scared or in pain, the anguish you feel is indescribable.  When you are pregnant it is a vague feeling in the beginning, but as they grow inside you and you start feeling movement and start forming an attachment with them, your love grows.  Then they are born and when you look down at that child—there is nothing like it in the world.  They truly are one of life’s miracles.

 As they mature and grow, so many different experiences happen that shapes them into who they are and will someday be.  You try hard to guide them, keep them safe and happy.  You want to do what is best for them, but it is not always easy.  You have to allow them space and some freedom to live life, and even though at times you both make mistakes; you will be there when needed.  Although they are now young adults, we still want to help them if and when they need it—even though they don’t like to ask (independence is quite valued at this age).  I tell them that we are able to help; it gives us joy and peace of mind.  One day we will be older and may need their help or support; hopefully they will do the same for us.  That is how family relationships/partnerships work—you help when you are needed…you are not just present for the good, happy times or for what you can gain.

Although I have spent the last thirty years away from home, I feel I have a close relationship with my parents.  We have gone home at least once a year to visit.  I wanted my children to know their grandparents and their grandparents to know them.  I had a very sheltered childhood.  I grew up in a very small community (probably only a few hundred people) and many of which were relatives.  My dad had a dairy farm so my mom and he were pretty much always at home with us or within close proximity.  We grew up valuing family, taking care of your family and with trust and respect for one another.  This certainly helped when I was a teenager and had a bit of a rebellious streak which we made it through and remained close.  I have noticed over the past several years, as my parents grow older that the roles begin to shift.  As children you are dependent upon your parents for almost everything and then you grow up and slowly over time roles start to reverse.  You are starting to give them advice, trying to take care of them more and more and one day they will be dependent upon you as you were them as a child.  To me, that is a true relationship/partnership when it changes and evolves to meet the needs of those that are involved.

As for my siblings, I have three sisters and one brother.  I keep in contact with each of them on a regular basis except for my oldest sister.  Unfortunately she made some life choices that were not only damaging to her, her daughter; but also to her relationship with the rest of the family.  We are there if she needs us, but we were unable to support her marriage (which is very unhealthy to all involved); so she chose not to be involved with us.  I am the middle child and the only one who does not live within twenty miles of my parents or each other.  They all see each other on a daily basis. 

Since being here in Alaska, I have formed four very close friendships.  Each is unique but have some characteristics in common.  Pam is my one of my closest friends.  We met when we were both employed at the same center.  I was her mentor teacher and our friendship grew over the time we worked in the same classroom and has continued since.  We have shared some very happy and extremely heartbreaking experiences together.  A lot of our joy came from the children we cared for and watched thrive and develop in our care in the classroom.  We have spent much time talking and helping each other through life’s ups and downs.  I have been able to share the joy of the birth of her first grandchild with her.

 One of the most heartbreaking experiences we have shared was the death of our friend and colleague, Lisa.  We both worked with Lisa at the same center; that is how the three of us met.  About two and a half years ago Lisa was diagnosed with melanoma.  She had surgery, they thought they got the cancer; but were wrong.  Over the period of a year and a half we spent a lot of valuable time going through this experience with our friend.  We clung to periods of hope and then we had to face the prospect of death together.  I really had no idea how much our friendship had actually grown and how valuable it was to me until this was all taking place.  I learned so many things from this whole experience.  You start looking at what is really important; you question if what you are doing has true meaning, purpose and relevance.  Time is so short and can be taken away so unexpectedly—it is not to be wasted.

 Lisa was a truly good person at heart and had so much love and patience to give to her children.  She taught preschool and was a true joy to see interacting with the children and parents.  Her one regret was that she had not had enough time to do all the things that she wanted to in life.  I tried to reassure her with the thought that she had done more good for children and families in the short time she had lived, than many people will do in much longer lives.  Not a day goes by that I do not think of her and what she means to me still.

Two other very important relationships are with two women I met while working at an Early Head Start program.  Kathleen was one of my teacher assistants for a few months before she left to do her student teaching.  We remain very close friends and may one day be business partners as well.  We share a true passion for working with children and see a huge need for change and hope to someday be a bigger part of it.  Susanne is the other friend I met while there.  She was a home visitor with the program.  I value her knowledge and insight and see her as a true mentor for myself.  We also share a true passion for the field and the work we do.  Many of our ideals and philosophies are the same and our conversations can go on for hours when we are able to get together.  She is a true source of energy that can revitalize my determination when I start to feel like I’m not making progress with my goals as fast as I would like.

Franchezca is one of the providers in my classroom with me.  As we have worked together over the past few months and grown to know each other through our shared interest and work with children.  I enjoy working with her and a friendship is growing through our shared interests.  I serve as her mentor and share much of the new knowledge I am gaining through these classes with her.  I am seeing her grow as a professional each day and have a great deal of confidence and trust in her abilities with the children.  She truly has a good heart and we share many of the same values.

I truly cherish the relationships I have formed with the children in my care.  It is a gift to be able to care for them and watch them develop and grow each day.  They give true purpose and focus to life both as a person and a professional.  I am also fortunate to have been able to build true relationships/partnerships with the families of the children in my class.  I take great care to start the process when we first meet to do their initial orientation before entering the center.  I invite them to come in and visit, observe us and get to know us before they have to leave their child for the first time.  Each day we share information at drop off and pick up concerning their child’s needs and experiences.  I try to help them feel a valued part of their child’s lives even while in our care by soliciting their input and involving them in as many decisions as possible.

In regards to insight involving challenges of developing and maintaining relationships that I have gained from my own experiences, anything worth having is worth putting in the effort it takes to form, grow and sustain it.  There will always be challenges but what is important is that you face them and grow from them.  An important part of relationships is the growth and change that takes place—life is not stagnant.  We need to be prepared to adjust according to the need and know when we are unwilling to do so.  It should be give and take on the parts of all involved, not just one.  You must be willing to look at the perspectives of others, even when you don’t agree; just be open to other possibilities.

Each experience, relationship/partnership in life leaves an impact upon us.  Through these experiences we grow and develop and evolve into who we are and what we believe.  We can take our knowledge from our own experiences and hopefully grow an understanding for the experiences and circumstances of others without being too quick to judge or reject them because of differences. We must try to keep an open mind and look for positives that we can use as a base and grow a relationship/partnership from there. 

Here are a few quotes that I found on relationships:

"Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take." — Anthony Robbins
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"The relationships we have with the world are largely determined by the relationships we have with ourselves" — Greg Anderson

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“The word choices that parents make every day have an incredible power to enhance or harm the relationship with a child. Parents must make a conscious choice to use positive communication that will build mutual respect, cooperation and self-esteem.” — Toni Schutta

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“The mother-child relationship is paradoxical and, in a sense, tragic. It requires the most intense love on the mother's side, yet this very love must help the child grow away from the mother, and to become fully independent.” -- Erich Fromm

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.”--Jack Lemon

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“Each relationship nurtures a strength or weakness within you.”--Mike Murdock

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“You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships every day. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.”--Epicurus

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“If civilization is to survive, we must cultivate the science of human relationships - the ability of all peoples, of all kinds, to live together, in the same world at peace.”--Franklin D. Roosevelt

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“Every single major push in education has made it worse and right now it's really bad because everything we've done is de-humanizing education. It's destroying the possibility of the teacher and the student having a warm, friendly, intellectual relationship.” --William Glasser

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“Children are our second chance to have a great parent-child relationship.” -- Laura Schlessinger

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“You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.”-- Frederick Buechner